Portions of God's Magnificence

I've taken a break from blogging because I have joined a creativity group that uses The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. This entails waking up and immediately writing three pages, longhand, of whatever occurs to you. As I have been doing this blog in the morning before starting the group, the two writing tasks conflicted and I have been doing the "morning pages" a la Cameron for the past two weeks. But recently I have been discontented with the pushing out of my blogging and today I will do my blog instead. Each is usually a substantial amount of writing, for me, and I don't think I can do both. But perhaps I can. I have done the "morning pages" before and I grew discontented with it because it seemed as though I was putting out a huge amount of energy which seemed to go nowhere. I wanted to be read. So over time it evolved into a blog, which I find enjoyable.

Is anybody interested in this topic?

I also find typing at the computer a more satisfying way to write than longhand, because the output is so crystal clear on the page. My handwriting is pretty loose and takes energy to read, not that the purpose of the "morning pages" is to be read, but the act of writing is not as crystal clear and clarity is important to me.

Actually, the act of writing, for me, has come to have an undercurrent of boredom running through it. I'm sure this can't be hidden from the reader. If I'm bored the reader is probably as well. Still I like the act of writing. Perhaps I'm bored with myself. Sometimes I feel that I won't do anything significant with my life and the things I have been doing don't really amount to much, don't make much of an impact - like this blog. Is this a mid-life crisis? I mean I'm forty three. I haven't taken the career path and don't have much to show for my forty three years. Much of my life has been lived in private although in the past five years I've tried to be open in my talking with others and revealed what I think of as my brilliance - the result of years of remaining silent due to not wanting to make people feel threatened. I've cast off the veil and if people are intimidated, sobeit. I'm included in the equation, too. My feelings are important, too. I've got to have a day in the sun, too. I can't deny myself forever. The world should know of my glory as a piece of God's magnificence. My only hope is to remember that this goes for others as well. Others, too, are expressions of God's magnificence. Actually, moreso, I hope they remember it, so that I don't have to worry about their feeling diminished if I'm myself.